Welcome back to the wet, wild, and wonderful world of Bulldogs baseball. The past week saw your heroes play two games, NABA umpires creating new lows for themselves, and a possible cure for HIV was discovered: so there’s hope yet for half the Bulldog’s roster (28+ team definitely included). But let’s talk about America’s pastime.
If he can do it, why not everyone? But who would bang this uggo anyways
Last Saturday saw the ‘dogs take on their hated division rival, the Hebrew Oilers. In my 1.5 seasons with the Bulldogs we were 0-4 against those champions of circumcision, including a first round loss last year in the playoffs. Needless to say, the ‘dogs always managed to play their worst game when it came to playing the greasy Oilers. This game however would be different as the Bulldogs sent big game hunter Christian Necheff to the mound.
DO NOT type "circumcision pictures" into Google
As I have very few brain cells left from years of hedonism, alcoholism, and too many acts of debauchery, I cannot recall exactly when all the scoring took place, but just know your hometown heroes banged out 14 hits with five ‘dogs having multiple hits. Necheff was also solid on the mound, striking out 7 Oilers and holding them to 3 runs in five innings. Oh yes, you read that right, the ten-run-rule came into effect when Fleming (was it him?) hit a sac fly to right allowing newbie Jeff Rowand to tag from third for the clinching run. Bulldogs 13, Oilers 3.
Game. Blouses.
It felt good to finally exorcise the demons that had plagued the Bulldogs when it came to playing the Oilers. Hopefully we can keep it up as the 'dogs have one regular season contest left against those faithful fans of potato pancakes. Interesting side note, and yes we won so it did not cost us, but still want to point it out: even if we overlooked the piss-poor strike zone judgment of the umpiring crew, an easy call was blown. On a play at the plate where our catcher (in this case Mighty Joe Graff) moved up the line a little bit to receive a feed from the outfield and the runner from third ran into him while he was attempting to catch it, interfering with him enough to where he could not make the play. This is an easy call by anyone who knows the NABA is a “recreational” league (and hopefully the umps would know where or for whom they are umpiring) with no contact at the plate or on the bases. Would the umpire have called him safe if he did that running into a 2nd baseman trying to make a play in the field? No, he would have been out…common sense. Have some pride in your profession.
On to more happy things. Oh wait, there isn’t because we played the undefeated Elliott Elliotts next at Herschel Field. The Bulldogs were shorthanded, with only nine players showing up, but it’s still no excuse. As has been said all season long, the Elliotts are a solid hitting team, but the pitching and defense are average, yet no one can seem to come out and knock them off the top spot. The ‘dogs lost to them in the first game of the year 5-1 due to it being the first game of the year and the pitching and hitting were still rusty, and we played almost equally as poorly this time around.
Justin Stark took the bump for the Bulldogs and threw a complete game, giving up four earned runs, while looking like a true pitcher at the plate. However, the ‘dogs could only muster three runs offensively and after a few walks and a few miscues on the defensive side of the ball, the good guys ended up taking the loss, 5-3. Unfortunately team motivational speaker, starting shortstop, and resident model Jeff Trojan couldn’t pull his best Jordan impression as he had been battling a severe butthole virus for the past 36 hours. However, several times through the game he would glance over at the restroom wishing it and he could be one, but he clenched as tight as BJ clenches his jaws doing bicep curls and stayed in the game without any accidents.
'Nuff said
This came up under "painful toliet pictures" on google. Had to post.
Another one for "painful toliet pictures" on google
Another side note: first I would like to apologize to the home plate umpire for drawing a line in the dirt where the strike three was called on me 8 inches inside. I was sore, cranky, and obviously reverted to bush-league cry-baby status like ¾ of the Fed League and several teams in the NABA, and for that, I truly apologize. And I can appreciate having a consistent strike zone, as long as it’s hittable; BUT calling pitches 6 inches to a foot inside strikes is just wrong. There’s no way you can cover the rest of the plate when you have to be worried about getting rung up on a pitch 8 inches in (giggiddy). And the same ump pulled the same shitty zone bullshit at Springview versus the Ducks (that’s not why we lost, either game, but it makes baseball less fun to play). Have some pride in your profession and learn how to call a fair fucking zone, it’s been pathetic this year. And how can you not notice a bunt off the hitter’s ankle when you’re a field umpire!? Pay attention and…HAVE SOME FUCKIN PRIDE IN YOUR PROFESSION. It’s not even like I’ve been rung up a lot on bad pitches (which I have), but I’m looking out for my boys, cause I want them to have a fair shake. Holla at ya boy.
I do it for MY HOMIES
Whew, that was fun. In other news, Bulldog butt-buddies Dustin Hirsh and Marc Morris made a trip to the dirty south and are currently visiting the ATL. Apparently young Dustin is looking to lose his virginity in some hot interracial tranny action while Morris is looking to give his arm some rest and memorize the Victoria’s Secret catalog before he gets demoted to the Bulldog’s Triple A affiliate, the South Oakland Ovaries.
Hirsh's dream girl/guy
Well in all honesty, that's all I can do this week, I still feel like shit (no pun intended). The Bulldogs face the Ghetto Express Saturday morning at John Herb, so this time we won't have to worry about getting gunned down in the parking lot due to a crack deal gone bad. After that game the 'dogs are off for an entire week to get nice and rusty for a big conference game the following Saturday against the Slurricanes. So everybody keep it real, wrap it up, and I'm out like a fat girl in a two-piece. PEACE.
P.S. And don't forget to check out the 6/9 Bulldogs Weekly if you missed it last week (it was a much better effort and happier tone than this week)...giggiddy
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the ovaries are an independent league team last i heard. The umps are terrible, but really bitching about the bad umps is like bitching about the shitty fields, it’s the same for both sides. Very observant to noitice the crack deals in the herb usually go off without a hitch.
It might not be a bad idea to just do to one ump since they’re so consistently bad and disinterested with our games, it wouldn’t be much worse, and we’d save money. The guy we had on Saturday had a running monologue with us the whole game, it was ridiculous. he basically talked shit on the oilers the whole game. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had umps just say, “I didn’t see it, or shit like, i can’t call it that late..” like that fly ball you hit against us in the first game of the season they just made some shit up, and basically gave you a do-over and a ghost runner on first or something. It’s a big pain in the ass. the called strike two feet outside is the worst.
It’s not just missing calls and widening the zone when it gets out of hand, it’s not knowing the rules, not paying attention and not being in position.
and will you guys start beating the teams in our division? we’ve given you all kind of help this year.
quack.