Well absolutely nothing has taken place in the world of the Bulldogs since June 18th, and considering ESPN Fantasy Baseball is undergoing scheduled maintenance while I’m at work, I figured I’d drop by to say hi.
Picture of me when either I can't get porn to load or fantasy baseball is down
As bad as it was to have a full week off in between games, especially before a crucial divisional matchup against the Slurricanes, it hurts even more when THAT fuckin game gets rained out and our team has yet to touch a baseball since June 18th. And the ‘dogs STILL won’t get to touch a baseball till this Thursday, when they take on another divisional opponent, the Cranberry Cranberries. The Bulldogs will travel to Moore Park for a 9pm matchup where we hope to not get malaria from the infestation of mosquitoes that inhabit that dump. The last time the ‘dogs played the ‘berries was at Moore Park and the good guys came out victorious 17-1. The Bulldogs also beat the boys from ‘berry earlier in the season 5-0 and Thursday night’s game will be the last one between the two squads until possibly the playoffs.
What?
In other news, the Elliot Elliots fell to the Black Sox of Brookline this past Thursday night, 5-3. Thank you Mr. Kenny Powers and your squad for finally proving that the Elliots aren’t THAT good to be 14-0 (yes they are good, and some of the teams they have played aren’t, but 14-0!? Charles Barkley: C’mon man!). The Black Sox are quietly putting together a very good season as they now stand 11-4-1 overall and are only 1 game and 1.5 games (in the divisional standings) behind the first and second place teams in the mighty Monongahela Division, respectively. Meanwhile, former “A” team and highly active Crip recruiters, the Carrick Express, have fallen to a dismal 0-10 in the Mon division.
Was gonna put a crip pic here but I was afraid of getting shot
As for the anal Allegheny Division, your Bulldogs remain on top with an 11-5 record. Only 3 of the 5 teams in the division are above .500 overall, as former “A” team the Hebrew Oilers and expansion team Cranberries are finding the going harder than expected with 3-10 and 5-11-1 records, respectively. As far as divisional standings go, the Slurricanes are nipping on the ‘dogs heels with a 5-2 record while the Bulldogs stand at 5-1 and the West View Sharks, who have played the fewest games of anyone in the NABA this season, stand at 2-1. The Bulldogs still have 2 to play against our tough divisional rival, the Slurricanes; 2 to play against the Sharks; and 1 a piece against the Cranberries and Oilers.
DON'T type in anal pictures on google...seriously. Don't. There's some messed up shit on there.
And the “A” league…who gives a shit. Editor’s note: the Senators have given up 202 runs this season in 17 games. I feel bad.
Fucked up, but guess he said it
Next subject. The best of three championship series in the College World Series kicked off last night with the South Carolina GameCOCKS beating the Florida Gators 2-1 in 11 innings. It honestly might have been the best baseball game I have ever watched. Did anyone see South Carolina’s 2B make those two ridiculous plays in the bottom of the ninth, no outs, with Florida having the bases loaded!? The dude seriously has the testes of a champion. If you haven’t seen it, FIND IT SOMEWHERE AND WATCH. And how shitty would it be, as Florida found out, to lose on a stolen base, throwing error by the catcher, and then throwing error by the CF? Sounds like a 28+ Bulldogs game, minus the 2-1 part. (Still love you guys).
Speaking of the 28+ squad, I believe their record stands at 5-9. I don’t know how their season or playoffs work, so here’s hoping they turn it around in time to make a playoff push. Or maybe all their years of wild hedonism has finally caught up to their old, decrepit bodies. (Still love you guys).
28+ team
Elsewhere, the U.S. soccer team blew a 2-0 lead, which in baseball is equivalent to a 15-0 lead or in the NFL is a 64-0 lead, or in the NBA 115-0 lead, to lose to those Corona-sipping bastards Mexico, 3-2. And that’s enough about soccer. It sucks and that’s why I had to at least include the score references.
I’m trying to think of more gossip cause Yahoo is my home page and I always read the stupid articles on there, um…Kim Kardashian defended herself that she has never had plastic surgery, Jennifer Aniston got her first tattoo of her dead dog’s name on the instep of her foot, and Olivia Wilde was caught without makeup.
You're welcome.
In other entertainment news, Transformers: Dark of the Moon comes out tomorrow and I have been walking around nursing a semi for the past few weeks; needless to say I’m stoked to see it and you should be too. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 comes out July 15, and I’m ashamed to say I’m pretty excited to see that as well. Mainly because I have so many fuckin questions about the other 500 movies (really only 7) that I just want to see the film to wrap everything up in my pretty lil’ head. But if they pull a Matrix Revolutions ending and it has a shitty conclusion, I swear I’ll assassinate every single one of those little fuckers. On a sadder note, I hope the kids who have acted in every one of the movies have saved all their cash and invested it wisely, because they will never be heard from again due to no directors clamoring for their outstanding acting skills.
And that’s it for me this week folks, I’ve scraped the bottom of the barrel to bring you some form of intellectual stimulation and entertainment. Hope all is well and I’ll be back next week to hopefully deliver more exciting and perverse rhetoric that you can enjoy. I’m out like Michael Jackson’s dick at a playground (too soon?). Peace.
What a freak. Made some good tunes though.
Related posts:
