Alright peckerwoods, it has been far too long since our last meeting so once again please accept my most humble apologies. But it was not really my fault or anyone’s for that matter, because that’s the way the cookie crumbles when it comes to schedules and shit-ass weather. Now that that’s out of the way, welcome back to Bulldog’s Weekly!
Why the hell did this come up when I typed in "cookie crumbling" on Google?
Since our last engagement your dream team has participated in three contests, against the Cranberries, Devils, and Sharks. So let’s dive right into the action:
On Thursday, June 30, the Bulldogs took the field to face the Cranberry Cranberries for the third and final time in the regular season. Moore Park was the location for the battle and was in rare form as we would have been safer playing on a bed of nails or say, the Rocky Mountains. I mean it was truly awful, never played on a worse surface. So all of you city of Pittsburgh workers in charge of taking care of parks and recreation areas…kill yourself.
Please oblige, park workers
Anyways, Justin Stark took the mound for the ‘dogs, and like every time he does, it was an adventure. And I don’t say that negatively towards him, but we always seem to be in a tight game when he toes the rubber. He went 4 strong innings, k’ing 6 and allowing 2 ER. Future proctologist Jeff Rowand made his season debut on the mound and went 2 innings and struck out 4 Cranberries. And lastly Christian Necheff came in to close it out; shutting down the bad guys in one inning of work with 3 k’s to notch only the second save for the Bulldogs all year. Good guys 5, Cranberries 3. Also of note, Rowand hit the ‘dogs’ first homerun of the year, albeit an inside-the-parker and a triple. And Justin Stark continued his gastronomical battle with his own colon and continued to lose, spraying his dirty musk all over the dugout area.
Fart 1
Fart 2
Had to put these 3 fart pics in
Next up for the Bulldogs, on Saturday, July 2, came a matchup against the expansion “A” leaguers, the Devils. I can’t really relay much information about this game as I was only around for 3 innings before having to go boom-boom with some bridesmaids at a wedding, but it was 10-0 when I departed. I found out later that the good guys were victorious by a 16-1 margin after 5 innings. I assume giant Dick Larson went the distance (though nobody kept the stats in our book for the opposing Devils, dumbasses) and got the win. Eric Fleming, who flew in his entire family tree from Minnesota earlier in the week with his signing bonus money received from the ‘dogs, apparently went bananas off the dismal pitching (I gotta hate on you Flem since I had to leave early and didn’t get to enjoy the batting practice). Fleming finished 4-4 with a 1B, 2B, and 2 HR (albeit inside-the-parkers at Pie Traynor) and 3 rbi’s while all I got was an rbi single and a 45mph fastball off my bulging left bicep before I had to leave.
Fleming and the fam
The next episode of Bulldog’s baseball came on Sunday, July 3, against probably our newest hated rivals, the West View Sharks (DISCLAIMER: if you don’t want to hear about people who bitch, whine, complain, and play like complete bush-leaguers and douche bags, skip the following write-up). The matchup took place at the old stomping grounds of Bulldog greats Joe Graff, Marc Morris, Dustin Hirsh, and apparently former Bulldog Brian Miller (I say apparently because I haven’t seen his wankster ass in quite some time) at North Hills High School.
Shark player or fan
Once again, just when you thought they couldn’t get any worse, the umpires set a new low for themselves, but for both sides. But while the Bulldogs merely resented the umpires and made comments about their mothers under their breath, the Sharks’ white trash fans and bush league players constantly bitched and moaned and ran in from the outfield to protest calls and repeatedly commented that the umps were favoring the ‘dogs due to the guy who runs the league being on our team. They also called out “I got it” like before when our players were trying to catch fly balls, etc. Grow the fuck up. This isn’t little league any more, keep your mouths shut and play the game and please tell your dirty ass parents and friends to stay home because most of them don’t even know how baseball is played, let alone are intelligent enough to comment on it. Whew, that was fun.
Shark player or fan 2
Had to throw this up too
BACK TO THE ACTION…Christian Necheff toed the rubber for the ‘dogs, and while he had quite the easy go against the Sharks in our first meeting, gave up a few more hits than last time this go around. Necheff did go the whole 7 though, striking out 10, but gave up 9 hits and 3 ER. I can’t remember if it was the bottom of the 6th or 7th, but after a dropped fly ball in centerfield, John Watson redeemed himself by gunning down a runner attempting to score from 2nd with that lightening rod of an arm he got from wrestling steers and queers in Texas. In the end it was a nail-biter, but your favorite Bulldogs wound up prevailing 6-5. This victory gave the ‘dogs at least a win of the regular season series, with the Sharks and Bulldogs still having to play their final game, and your good guys looking for the season sweep. In addition, Jeff Rowand had another monster day, going 3-4 with 2 doubles and 3 rbi while Eric Fleming continued to be a stud in front of his family going 2-2 with a double and 2 walks.
Watson and his former southern neighbors about to gang rape livestock
So as I mentioned before, the Bulldogs have 1 remaining game against the salacious Sharks, but also have 3 more tough division matchups to be made up with 2 against the Slurricanes and 1 against the greasy Oilers. The only non-division match to be played is against the ‘dogs’ former division rival, the Emsworth Warriors. All of these games are to be made up before July 23.
And that’s it for me, I seriously can’t write anything funny as I’m too pissed off since I’m unable to go on vacation next week due to some high-profile meetings I can’t postpone…but hopefully that means $$$ plus I won’t have to miss any Bulldogs’ games, so yea! Gay. After going on vacation every summer for 24 years, now I’ve gone two summers without one…depressing. Oh well, I’ll have to stock up on personal lubricant, Kleenexes, and Chef Boyardee since I’ll have the crib to myself next week. Until next time, keep it real, wrap it up, and I’m out like handicapped parking at the Special Olympics…PEACE.
Yes, this is the second personal lubricant pic ever on the blog
This and the above pic are all I need for a happy week alone
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are the sharks the old matadors? they had a lot of bitches on their team back in the day.
There are a couple of Matadors on the sharks.